Due to my bizarre thought process, there’s a whole host of items I can never wear. Not because they’re ugly per se – some of them look great on other people, but on me they just look a little, um, for want of a better word, coontastic. Here’s a run down of a couple of pieces I can’t wear.

Baker Boy hats

On anyone else, they look great and stylish – they were a key piece in Burberry’s AW08 show for gawd’s sake. But if I put one on, I look like I’m about to say ‘Howdy boss! Your shoes need shining today?’

Big bowties

This is an odd one as I have no problem with thin bow ties – I have a couple – but big bowties always look me like this picture below.

Please note that I’m aware he’s not wearing a bow tie in the picture, but the connotation remains the same in my mind. If I put on a big bow tie I look like I’m one step away from pulling this face and randomly teaching folks how to dance. It’s simple mathematics – Black man + big bow tie = singing, dancing and general coonery.

George Bush has done a lot of things to piss people off during his presidency, but for some reason I never thought he’d piss someone off so much they’d throw their shoes at him. I was wrong.

The first thing that crosses my mind is ‘why shoes?’ Was the journalist that pissed at Bush he just flew into a rage and thought ‘fuck this, I’m throwing my shoes at this mofo’, or did he wake up that morning, put on his worst pair of shoes – you’re not gonna throw your best pair away – and just wait till the right moment. Seeing as he’s probably somewhere getting beaten up by the Iraqi authorities, I guess we’ll never know.

One other thing stood out in this clip – George Bush’s reflexes. For a man who seems as slow as he does, he dodged them shoes pretty quick.