I Wish…

I wish I could mute the people and not the TV.

I wish there were four more Beatles albums.

I wish I could understand why middle- or working-class folks vote Republican.

I wish that major league baseball had a salary cap.

I wish I could play piano.

I wish that I had a photographic memory.

I wish I had a job that would not require me to wear leather shoes.

I wish that everyone wore cool glasses.

I wish that Liv Tyler would record my voicemail message in Elvish.

I wish I could be a hero.

I wish I liked salad and exercise.

Okay, I wish I tolerated salad and exercise.

I wish I had a 500-gallon saltwater fish tank.

I wish that the global oppression of women would stop.

I wish I had a car and driver.

I wish my driver were Bar Rafaeli.

I wish GG would skip over the Bar Rafaeli comment.

I wish you would make me brownies. Like, all the time.

I wish I could ski or snowboard.

I wish that talent always translated into money.

I wish that all the great musicians who died in their twenties lived until their seventies.

I wish that I could summer in Nantucket and winter somewhere warm.

I wish I were friends with people who said things like, “My dad is letting me use his Gulfstream 8. Who’s in for Macau? Let’s do this.”

I wish that I could devise a way to print money…legally, of course.

I wish I had offices in Amsterdam and Prague.

I wish that I could choose the musical guests on “Saturday Night Live.”

I wish the Vikings could just…..never mind.