Worst Actor/Actress in an Awards Show Broadcast

Last year, during the Academy Awards broadcast, GG called me an unprintable term. Twice. My transgression? I had headphones on, and was unable to hear her commentary on who looked good or, even better, opinions like: “Oh, I hate her. She reminds me someone I hate, I just don’t remember who.” You may be wondering: Why was I wearing headphones during a night where virtually everyone else I know (that is either female or gay) is breathless with anticipation?

Because if there is anything I hate more than actors pretending to be surprised, speechless, touched, wowed and so forth…well, I haven’t found it yet.

I invariably root for the underdog and the underdog invariably loses to somebody who has a better agent and was in a movie with a stronger marketing campaign.

Last year, Mickey Rourke was extraordinary in “The Wrestler.” The role of his lifetime, and he has had some heavyweight performances in his career. He lost out to Sean Penn’s great performance in Milk, but let’s face it: in ten years, people will still be stopping Rourke to mention how amazing he was. Penn? Folks will still be talking about the death reveal scene in Mystic River.

But this year, I promised to eschew the headphones and will instead be tweeting madly, as a way to distract me from the epic phoniness that is taking place onstage.

And if GG calls me something unprintable? Well, it wouldn’t be the first time.