A Q&A with the Irrepressible Rack van der Woodsen

Gossip Girl is a television show that is perfectly engineered to appeal to a 16 year-old girl. It has snobbery, sex, clothing, underage drinking and femmy looking foreign guys. And yet my niece of that age has no interest in watching it, so whenever I call to discuss an episode she ends up steering the conversation to whatever gets her closer to, “Here’s mom.”

As many of you know, I feel that, of all of the characters inhabiting Gossip Girl’s phony version of NYC, the most intriguing is clearly Blair Waldorf—whose pouting insanity is the show’s fulcrum. And yet, it was halfway through Season One, when I realized that the show’s most appealing character was right there under my nose. Or more accurately, about 18 inches south of Serena van der Woodsen’s chin.

Rack van der Woodsen’s versatile performances have become the bedrock of Gossip Girl and I am convinced that, without her appearance at, say the French Ambassador’s dinner or some sort of costume ball that these kids seem to go to every week, the show would die quicker than that story arc involving Georgina as Blair’s roommate.

I managed to catch up with the enigmatic Rack the other day—who’s a twin, no less!—for my first official interview at selectism.com. Get comfortable; this is a good one.

TG: Hey there, Rack.

RvdW: Huh? Wha? How did you get this number?

TG: From your…publicist Amy.

RvdW: Hmmm….oh crap, it’s already 4:30? Okay…well, hello.

TG: You sound like you’re underwater. Where are you?

RvdW: I’m underwater.

TG: Come again?

RvdW: We’re taking a bath. Don’t worry; my Bluetooth is waterproof. I’ve carried a cellphone ever since that stalk….

TG: Yeah, Rack, I only have 200 words. So let’s get to it.

RvdW: 200 words? I’m hanging up now.

TG: Hey, wait a minute…

RvdW: I mean it. 200 words? That moron who plays Nate gets 1,000 on popsugar and I swear to you, I think he really has brain damage.

TG: Rack, so when did you know you were Gossip Girl’s breakout star?

RvdW: It was the episode with the polo match and the script called for Serena to wear that white tank top. Then it rained. After that, I kinda knew that everything was about to change. Off the record, Serena is the most annoyingly vapid character on a show filled with annoying vapid characters, and yet she gets the most screen time.

TG: Interesting. How has your celebrity been received by costars Mini-Rack Waldorf, Chin Bass and Giant Eyeballs Jenny Humphrey.

RvdW: They’ve been okay but…look, I don’t want to create problems here. I saw what happened to Charmed.

TG: Fair enough. So, I’m sure readers want to know: what are your future plans, vis-a-vis a film career?

RvdW: No definitive plans, but I do know this: it will involve nudity.

TG: Do you think what’shername will mind?

RvdW: Are you kidding? You watch the show. Do YOU see any Oscar statues in her future?

TG: She could win Best Use of a Husky Voice to Imply Intelligence award from Wired.

RvdW: Yeah, you’re a real rocket scientist. Anyway, I have to run.

TG: In super slo-mo, of course.

RvdW: Duh.